I’m clueless. I’m breathless. I’m headless.
I’m clueless because I have no idea how to write a blog.
I’m breathless because I’m a working mom who races to and fro NYC each day to make a better life for my family. And because I race to and fro NYC each day, I don’t spend enough time living that better life with my family.
I’m headless because I’ve clearly lost my mind if I think I can write a blog when 168 hours in a week is already not enough. So why am I doing it?
Once upon a time… pretty recently… I took a day off from work. Not to shoe shop or get a mani/pedi or sleep in. Just to buy groceries, get ahead of the laundry and if the universe was kind, catch up with Castle on the DVR. I’m not sure when this became an ideal vacation day but as a middle-aged working mother it sounded like heaven.
That day in the grocery store, a sweet senior lady asked for help reading the label on a can of soup. Modified tapioca starch, yum! She went on to tell me the story of her life. Ten seconds expanded into ten minutes. But rather than rushing off to the next thing as is my habit, I decided to take a breath and just enjoy it. It was a vacation day and I should be allowed to spend it however I wanted even if it meant passing a few moments with a geriatric stranger.
On my way home I congratulated myself on my altruism (10 whole minutes!) and thought, ‘If I had more time in my life I could afford to be kinder.’
I nearly drove off the road when I heard myself think those words. I can’t afford to be kind? If I’m busy it’s OKAY if I’m NOT KIND? If I’m feeling rushed I can’t give a few extra minutes to a lonely old woman at the Stop and Shop?
When did life get so out of balance that kindness was optional?
That’s when I first caught a glimpse of the gap that had formed in my life. Not just the gap between my head and the rest of my body. Or the gap between the things I had to do and the things I wanted to do. But the gap between who I was and who I wanted to be.
Which is why I’m writing this blog. To put my thoughts to keyboard and screen to get some perspective on my life. To figure out how I lost my head and how to get it back.
The one good thing about being headless is it affords you the luxury of seeing yourself at a distance. Hopefully I will not only see that gap between my head and my body but figure out how to close it.
But I can’t do it alone. I’m sure there are other headless heroes out there, trying to do it all and failing! So if you’ve lost your head and you want to be reunited with it, I invite you to join me on my road to recapitation!
On with my head!